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. feeling anything, including love,” I added.“Now ... now having met you, and knowing what it is like to love again, to be able to love someone else and to feel love ... I am even more sorry for the way I treated Ellen. She deserved a lot more than some bastard like me who just used her and was glad to see her go.”“Alan, I know you are hurting now, remembering what happened with Ellen,” Mindy said, “but I can’t help but also feel you are being a little too hard on yourself. What was it, about a month or six weeks later that ... that you ... you tried to...”I knew what Mindy was trying to say.“Yes,” I agreed, “I tried to kill myself about six weeks later.”“You are a different person, NOW, than you were back then, Alan,” Mindy stressed. “You can’t hold yourself accountable for what that person did.“I fell in love with the person you are, NOW,” Mindy added. “Not that other guy, not what you used to be. And I can tell you one thing for sure, Alan, the person I met two years ago is. God I hate him.I was a nervous wreck the rest of the afternoon. It feltlike I did something dreadfully wrong. I couldn'tconcentrate on anything as I stood in front of the stovecooking.Putting everything on warm, I set the table and went towatch TV.A few times I heard Trevor leave and come back in thehouse. He didn't say a word to me, not that I wanted himtoo but he could have said something... I mean, he was the one that got me in this mess. I felt hurt inside that hewas ignoring me.What did I do? It's not my fault that I can't have arelationship with him, if that's what he's thinking.I just can't continue to do what we did today. He shouldknow that, why is he mad at me? I should be the one that ismad at him. I mean, I am mad at him, I mean, at least Ithought I was.Kathy came home tired and cranky again."Get my dinner and get it now!" Kathy screamed at the topof her lungs.I jumped up from the couch and hurriedly went to thekitchen grabbing her plate and fixed it up for her. By.
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