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.. it happens later ... I ... I sometimes space out ... I remember ... people who died in my arms ... decisions I should have made ... the way it felt ... that rush of combat and death and blood and fear and the thrill of the fight ... it can be overwhelming."Willow was quiet a while, staring out into the dense trees surrounding them. "I worry about that, Dad. Sometimes ... I feel it in me ... I know it's there ... like a shadow ... growing thicker and darker. I'm scared of it." She exhaled slowly, calming herself. "Imps I can kill. And I can face my own death. Those don't scare me anymore ... but what's in there," she said, tapping her head, "I'm scared I can't control it." I thought I could ... for a long time. I didn't notice what was going on, when I ... went away ... Linh noticed ... I think it scared her, at first ... but she didn't let it scare her away, and she didn't make me aware of it until we got to Denver ... I think it was time, then. She seemed to know, and she told me. I was just relieved to finally know for certain that it wasn't anything wrong with me that caused hubby's lack of interest. Anyway, I wasn't very surprised hubby had found an excuse to bed some other bimbo (Bimbob?) in our bed instead of being with me and Jason in Spain. To tell the truth, I didn't care. That night I sucked and fucked hubby as a going away present. I never told hubby or Jason what I knew and initiating sex on my part was just as much an act on my part now as it had been for my husband. Afterwards, as soon as he was softly snoring and dead to the world, I left our bed and walked downstairs to our liquor cabinet. I'd finished making two stiff drinks when Jason joined me. With just the street light shining through the windows to cloak us in shadows we tossed 'em down and made two more. Jason was quiet and I didn't blame him. A hubby is a guy you can say, 'Fuck you, I'm out of here,' to. A dad is pretty much a forever kind'a guy. Halfway through our second drink I.
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