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Dark Lord has put a strange spell on me to make me capable of taking all the necessary nutrients straight from excrements.RITA. What a magnificent piece of magic! Does that spell make all those human wastes more yummy for you?HERMIONE. What? ARE YOU MAD? It's the fucking SHIT! I won't be able to get rid of that taste in my mouth even if I would be allowed to drink something except gallons of stinky piss!RITA. Okay, okay. Please continue.HERMIONE. I... I spend most of the day lying on the floor near a toilet bowl – yes, this one.RITA. There's a strange semi-circular cut-out on the front edge of this bowl.HERMIONE. It's the cut-out for my neck... oh Merlin... I put my neck in the cut-out in such a way that my head is inside the toilet bowl...RITA. Face-up?HERMIONE. Yes. Then I wait, looking at the ceiling and waiting for somebody to come... I never have to wait long. You see, a hell of a lot of students need to pee in the morning... [Bitter laugh].RITA. And all of them prefer to pee. I’ve decided the best way to do that is to merge my business activities with those of my family.“I talked it over with my parents and we believe that we could use your services. We need someone who is willing to handle the purchase and sale of merchandise. What we envision is:1. When we are ready to purchase merchandise, we will tell you what we want to buy, how much to purchase, and the maximum price we want to pay. You would find a seller, negotiate the purchase price, place the order, and arrange for the merchandise to be shipped to our warehouse. We would handle receipt of the merchandise, and pay the invoice and your commission.2. For sales, we would tell you what we have in our warehouse and our minimum sale price. You would monitor the market price and determine when specific merchandise should be sold. When you decide it’s time to sell the merchandise, you would find a buyer, negotiate the price, arrange for shipment, and let us know how much merchandise to ship to the buyer..
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