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"Oh I hope Tony will be as good for me as you are for Ruth," sighed Lauren."No reason why not," I replied. "But be careful, he might just use you for his own needs, rather than make love to you." I know," said Lauren as she and Ruth snuggled into me. "I don't want to be just a fuck toy for him."I held the two girls in my arms as they settled for the night and wondered what tomorrow would bring.We were all up bright and early the following day though nothing of an amorous nature happened as we were all busy trying to sort things out so we could go shopping.I soon had them breakfasted and despite their attempts to outdo each other in bathroom occupancy we were soon on the road to Bluewater shopping centre where the two girls had a whale of a time trying on everything in every shop so it seemed whilst I patiently indulged them. Finally I allowed them to persuade me to buy them matching outfits, (well Ruth persuaded me despite Lauren's objections) to wear when I next took them out. I thought I’d be okay… but I cannot live like this any more. I miss you… every moment of every day. Everything around me reminds me of you… everything in my life has been touched by your presence, and without you, it’s just a pale reflection. It can never be the same again.’ The flame of the candle filled her vision while she talked, and as she looked into its depths, she felt herself going to a safe place — a place removed from where she was, separate from her grief. ‘There’s just this darkness. All around me, choking me. I don’t know how I’m alive… why I’m alive. I’m broken, Love, and I’m tired of fighting the darkness. And if you can’t join me from wherever you are… I have no choice…’ She blanked then, leached of all emotion, her words turning too soft and finally dying down. She slowly got to her feet and made her way to the bathroom. The packet of double edged razor blades lay open, three of the blades left. She had always preferred old-fashioned razors to the new sticks – said.
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