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Ughhh, crap. “Hi, Rita. How’s Don and, um… the kids?” “Oh, wonderful, wonderful,” she chirped, before adopting a note of studied sadness. “We noticed that you’re here alone, Roger.” Thanks, bitch. “Ah, yes… well, you see my girlfriend and I recently broke it off.” “Well you’re, what, thirty-two now, right? Better get serious,” she warned, in a mock threatening tone. “Don’t you want to start a family of your own some day?” Her four year old ran headlong into Roger’s knee. I’d rather throw myself off a cliff, Rita, and have my broken body washed out to sea. “Truthfully, I’m not sure I’m ready for the responsibility.” “Oh, come on, I know there’s a lot more depth and character hiding beneath that devil-may-care surface.” “No, actually, this is pretty much it.” *** Roger filed into the ballroom, two gimlets in hand, and took a seat at his assigned table for the reception. To his right was Sheila’s vacant spot and to his left was Mrs. Buonafortuna. The elderly woman lived in the. She paused for a moment, sniffed loudly, and screwed up her nose.She stared at my embarrassed expression with reappraising eyes. "Oh-oh."I think she could tell I had pooped my nappy, because she chuckled richlyin amusement even as she shook her head in disbelief at my uncontrollablebaby ways. "Open up, Baby Candy," ordered Brenda with a superior smugsmirk, and I knew I had to obey. "Open up, you smelly baby girl." In afew minutes, there was slimy pureed goop smeared all over my face andrunning down my chin.When Aunty June returned, Brenda was scraping the bottom of the bowl andAlison was standing beside the highchair holding one of my new oversizedbaby bottles full of warm milk at the ready. "Mum, did you know the babypooped her nappy?" Brenda asked conversationally."She stinks," added Alison, fanning her hand in front of her face."What?" Cried their mother in dismay, racing over to us and sniffing therank aroma around my bum. "Oh Baby Candy! I asked you if you needed touse the potty.
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