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There would be time enough to think them slowly and carefully in the forthcoming months. To calm down I tried to masturbate, but it made the cut across my vulva hurt and even to start bleeding again, so I gave it up.Why did I feel so uneasy? Whatever my life would be, once I was free again, it would be better than being a slave. Or would it? This thought crept up at me from behind, unanticipated, uninvited and unwelcome, yet suddenly it was there. Did I really, truly, with all my heart, want to be free? Or was there a comfort in being a slave, a quietude, a deep satisfaction, a secret desire fulfilled that I had never been consciously aware of?I chased this thought away. Who in her own sane mind would not rejoice at the prospect of losing her chains?I masturbated now, never mind the pain and the bleeding — I needed that orgasm! And, I became aware, for this orgasm I needed him! Again I was kneeling in front of him, but this time his hands that held my head did not push me away but. Eddie sighed. I leaned down and said softly, "Eddie, I'm so sorry I acted like an asshole. I really didn't mean to hurt you. I really like you."I'm from a small town where liking men can get you beat up or worse. I was trying to come out to you, but, I'm afraid I made a mess of it. It's just that I'm going through some things, some feelings that I am trying to work out. That day you saw me get out of the shower you surprised me. I get out of the shower buck naked and there you are standing there looking at me. You're really an attractive guy. I couldn't help but get hard looking at your handsome face. I made that stuff up about look how big I get. Look at what all the girls make a fuss about. I said those things to hide the fact that I couldn't control my hard on. Why do you think I got so hard without even touching my dick? It was because I was looking at you. Then when you said I had the biggest fucking dick you ever saw, I lost it. That's when I shot cum on your pants. You turn me.
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