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And I’d said…there was nothing to say. I toppled onto the bed, rolling over onto my stomach, pillow dragged over my head. I pounded my fist once, with futility, against the mattress. It just hurt my hand. That was dumb. I forced myself to take deep, cleansing breaths, eyes half-closed in the dark of my pillow head-igloo. You’ll be fine, Steph. You’ve gotten through worse, right? It was no use. I turned onto my back, hugging the pillow to my chest. I let my eyes trace the familiar outline of the stain in the ceiling plaster from some long-forgotten plumbing crisis. My mind searched for patterns, sense, rational pictures. I sighed. It was just a grubby ceiling. I closed my eyes, rolling the memories backwards in my mind, replaying what I could remember of our aborted conversation. I don’t know why I couldn’t see it before. That’s what he’d said, right? See what? What could he now see? I didn’t want to face it. Face what? Us? It was some heartbeats later that I sat bolt upright. Oh. "Can we have a minute?" "Sure," Harrison said as he stepped away. Timothy and I walked a few feet away from the coffee shop. "I have to know," Timothy said. "Why?" I asked. I nodded I was expecting this question. The truth was I didn't know, there was no clear cut answer. Timothy was a great man. He had been a great husband. He had always provided for the children and me. The sex was what it was, after so many years of being with someone it was bound to get routine. I knew saying I didn't know wasn't what he wanted or needed. "Truth is, it was me," I shrugged. "I didn't like the idea of being married anymore. I wanted more and... " I said looking away from him. He knew I was lying. "I saw the opportunity, so I took it." Timothy stared at me. Even though he knew I was lying through my teeth, he nodded. "Thank you." "It wasn't you," I said which was the truth. "I am thinking of dating someone," Timothy said. Those words hit me in the stomach hard. "Anyone, I know?" I asked. "Never.
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