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Spell check. Grammar check. I noticed my speaking patterns came to match Dr. Gupta's hatred of contractions and adverbs. By Thanksgiving, I was feeling good. He told me to set it aside til after finals. Like Forest Gump and money, it was one less thing to worry about.After my last final, we met in Dr. Gupta's office for tea. He had family in Sumatra, India. They would send him a quarter pound of local product every month, which is a lot of tea. One of our rituals was to use some of it. I still have the tea habit, when working on an article, a bill or an amendment. Speeches take coffee. That's just the way it is. Winter break took tea, coffee and No Doz, because Dr. Gupta wanted me to reduce the word count by a third.I tried. God knows I tried.Over the break, I managed to cut out about twenty percent of the verbiage. The problem was that every time I found something I could cut, I found some other thing that needed elaboration. It was two steps forward and one step back, til I wanted. In particular, it appeared flattering to her the way that young men would gape and drool as she walked by. She would often flirt in a pretty overt and provocative way with my friends right in front of me, something that they would be quite happy to participate in.“Doesn’t it make you feel uncomfortable, watching your mom flirt with guys half her age?” my friend Trey had asked me after he had come to visit from college, “It must be weird that they lust so much over someone you think of as purely maternal. Or, do you?” he went on to ask, “Do you maybe see what other people see in her? I mean, she is kind of obviously a completely hot older woman, you can’t turn off the biological urges that tell you that even if she is your mom. You must see her around the house in those sexy negligees and think about her hot, sexy body.”I didn’t admit it to him then, but I had begun to admit to myself that this was increasingly the way that I thought about my mother. Trey was right, I couldn’t help.
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