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"No. Not really." C'mon, Tess, look, why don't you go sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you'd like for Christmas?"I look over at Mr "sexy" Santa. He has the girl on his lap giggling away like we're in high school."Yeah, I don't think so, Wendy." No. C'mon it'll be fun!"I highly doubt it, but she begins dragging me towards him anyway. I down my drink before we get there and place the glass on a near-by table."You owe me a drink for this!" I say, as I step in front of him and wait for Giggles to get off his knee.She reluctantly gets off his knee and he says, "Next."I just stand there not wanting to step up but Wendy shoves me from behind giving me no choice. I hesitate but sit down anyway."Hey there, tell Santa your name." I roll my eyes. "Tess." "Well Tess, tell Santa what'd you like for Christmas." Seriously, with the Santa?"He smiles. "Tell Nick what'd you like then."I laugh. "Nick? Seriously?" Yup." I don't want anything."He doesn't say anything so I look at him. He is looking. That's not too unusual in high school, of course, but what I couldn't figure out is what she wanted. One day hot, one day cold, once a promising afternoon under a tree on the hillside behind my house, no one around, the perfect moment, her in my arms, an extra button on her blouse undone and inviting exploration, and then—nothing. I was kissing her but she wasn't really kissing me. Her lips were closed and her mouth was tight, rigid. It was like kissing a block of wood.It ended eventually, or so I thought. After April there were other girls. Sometimes yes, sometimes no, sure, but more often than not girls who were just as interested as I was. I learned, slowly, that making her happy would make me happy. I learned that generosity is often returned. But when I saw April, and we did see each other now and then, it always turned out the same way. She wouldn't let me go but she didn't seem to want to go anywhere with me, either.In college, finally, April walked away. "There's someone.
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