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The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?’The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, ‘Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.’To which little RALPHY replied, ‘The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking.’LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHLittle RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.‘Why’ asks the father?‘The teacher asked ‘How much is 2 x 3?’ ‘‘I said 6”, replies RALPHY.‘But that’s right!’ says his dad.‘Yeah, but then she asked me ‘How much is 3 x 2?’‘What’s the fuckin’ difference?’ asks the father.‘That’s what I said!’LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISHLittle RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’RALPHY says ‘Mas-tur-bate.’Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little RALPHY, that’s a mouthful... ‘Little RALPHY. “I don't have a condom” She knew it was a lie. A guy like him always had one, just in case. Whatever, if she was to be totally honest with herself she didn't want one in the way. “We’ll just do it like our parents did” “Oh? We walked in here I thought you'd break down, now you're making jokes?” “Guess you bring out the best in me” “Ha! Once a …” He trailed off but she knew what came next. It cut to the bone and she froze. He immediately sensed this.“I'm sorry. It was a quip, juvenile I know. I …” She headed him off. “It's okay. I've just … heard that one before, you know?” His hair was sweaty, plastered to his forehead and stuck up in messy curls. She raised her hand and smoothed it out. It was absurd that she was the one to reassure him in this moment, she knew she shouldn't but … well, she didn't want to think about that right now. She didn't know if she was charmed by his concern for the words he’d used or disappointed she had finally seen him a touch insecure. “Why don't you.
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