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Please forgive me. I really messed up.’ ‘Don’t feel bad about what happened. It is what you wanted to happen. The problem is me. I cannot live wondering if the woman I love will come home to me each night or if she traded up, finding something better for the evening. Or better to share her life with.’ The pain in his eyes was deep and crippling. I asked, ‘Do you want me to move out?’ ‘No, I want you here. I cannot imagine a day without you or not having your warm body next to me in our bed. But, I want you to not let me love you and not let me believe you will come home to me. I don’t want to hurt like I am hurting.’ Todd could not stand any more. He had not slept last night while I frolicked. He had believed in me, trusted me and loved me while I fucked someone else. Now he was exhausted, got up and went up to shower and go to bed. I went up about half and hour after I heard his shower turn off. The room was dark. I let my robe drop on my side of the bed and slipped my nude body. ‘Well yes. I try not to think about that at the time, though. As that is not a turn-on, but a turn-off.’ ‘When you know they may be going along with it in order to get something from you, then it helps if the pain or denial is even more pronounced than under other circumstances?’ ‘Yes, for sure’ he answered. ‘Which is probably why the way they do things here is so intense. So beyond what I would be able to impose on anyone. I’m a softy compared to these people at the Choto Temple.’ ‘But you got through the encounter with the tall Norwegian OK anyway, despite her shortcomings?’ Zerzinski smiled. A smile that said he was keenly aware of how ridiculous he would appear to most anyone else. ‘Yes. In retrospect, however, it was the Saudi who was by far the most memorable event of the day. Just memorable, period, wow.’ ‘I’m on the edge of my seat.’ I realized that I was, in fact, as I said that. ‘I guess,’ he began, ‘it was the unexpected aspect of the thing. ‘I had never been with.
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