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When I awoke on Monday, I was nervous again. I realized that I'd have to see John, never mind the fact that all I wanted to do was see John. I was worried what that would be like. Would it be painful? Embarrassing? Exciting? Or my greatest fear, would it feel like nothing at all? Was what happened between us something that existing only for that moment? Or something deeper?Needless to say I was worthless at work, and unfortunately I'm not in a position where I could really hide out and be worthless for a few days. In fact, by Wednesday, my boss was asking if I was ok, or needed sometime off. I'd missed things, forgotten things, and messed up. Something I try very hard not to ever do. It was a shitshow, as John would say. God I couldn't wait to see him.Then I realized it was Wednesday and I hadn't heard from him. That started another worry. Why hadn't I heard from him? Did our date go badly? It didn't seem like it. And, I then I remembered it was a fake date. Ugh. Damn it. Kay had. This section of the corridor is empty. Rodrik glances over his shoulder once and then trots briskly towards the airlock door to the refuge, outlined in glowing green lights. At the door he cups my chin in one strong hand. My heart hammers in my chest at the brush of his cool callused fingers. His storm-grey eyes lock onto mine and his gaze seems to bore through my skull into my brain."Remember: you saw nothing. Say it." I saw nothing."He smiles, "Good girl."There's no steward in this refuge yet, so Rodrik helps me buckle me into the five-point harness."Shouldn't we go to my father?" No, policy is to take you to the nearest refuge. It's probably nothing, but we have to do this by the book. Someone will be along shortly to get you out. Just sit tight and watch something on your communicator."And with that he's gone, slipping easily back through the airlock which clicks locked behind him, leaving me alone with my thoughts.So he's gay. Suddenly his professional, detatched, and slightly.
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