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I'm still not certain it's well-explained, but I tried.To all of you: thank you for reading and thank you for taking the time to keep me honest!]I paused, my hand on the hospital door, the strength fleeing from me. I didn't have the strength to open that door. I no longer had it in me to turn a simple door handle. I no longer had the strength to even stand, my knees trembling and buckling. I just couldn't ... couldn't face her ... not right at that moment.Instead, I leaned my forehead against the wall next to that door. I allowed the cool, almost cold wall to prop me up and I tried to draw that coldness into me, into the broken pieces of my heart. I wanted it to strengthen me, to freeze me, make me hard and numb against the world. I knew that without that coldness, without that numbness, I was going to fall apart. If I didn't let that coolness in, I was going to fall apart, a wreck of a man.Not for the first time in the past 24 hours, I thought about how I'd gotten here. I thought. “Well. We began seeing each other everyday. Rob began spending the night with me and things started getting more serious.” Amanda paused again looking at Paul straight into his eyes. “Paul. That man taught me so much in so little time.” Paul asked. “Do you mean about sex?” “Yes.” She replied. It was all coming together for Paul now. The way she moved and acted during sex. She had learned everything she knew from this guy Rob. “You see. Rob works in sales for this medical manufacturing company. His job calls for him to travel sometimes. We met one night and Rob told me he had to take a transfer out of town with his company out in Southern California. It was a bit pay increase and I told him to take it.” Amanda began to cry a little as Paul held her hand. She took a tissue out from her purse and wiped her eyes and continued with her story. “We continued to see each other right until the last day before Rob had to catch a plane out west. Rob’s been calling me every other day checking.
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