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For the first time in her lifeshe truly wanted to die and she wanted to die soon because she knew that anagonising death awaited her otherwise. She had no chances, there was no point in expecting last minute rescues,she was finished, it was a horrible way to die and a sadistic one. By rights she should have started to suffocate by now and she hadn't, suggestingthat air was being pumped in to her dark and cramped coffin and the only reasonthat could possibly be was because they wanted her to suffer. They wanted hernot to die from lack of air but from starvation and that could take weeks. She wondered what would come first, death or madness. When would she start to piss herself? When would the smell of defecation make her so nauseous that she might evenchoke on her own vomit? The fact that she had air had given her some kind of hope, for a while, butin the silence, the utter silence and the blackness of her tomb, she had forcedthat hope from her mind. She drew in a deep breath and. *** who were to sleep in the big bed; that it would make them angry if I did. I am almost certain she named a lady and her husband who were going to stay with us, but can't be sure. A man then frightened me more than a woman, my mother I dare say knew that.I dare say, for it was the same the greater part of my early life that I went to sleep directly I laid down, usually never waking till the morning. Certainly, I must have gone fast asleep that night; Perhaps I had a little wine given me who knows, I have a sudden consciousness of light, and hear someone say, "He is fast asleep, don't make a noise"; it seemed like my mother's voice. I rouse myself and listen, the circumstances are strange, the room strange, it excites me, and I rise on my knees, I don't know whether naturally, or cautiously, or how; perhaps cautiously, because I fear angering my mother, and the gentleman; perhaps a sexual instinct makes me curious, though that is not probable. I have not in fact the slightest.
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