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" Love," I said."For anyone besides him," Eva added. "I think that's why Gia made such an easy transition. He was ambivalent about her loving him. She was a cold tool for him, and had the wrong features as well. And Naomi chose the one who loved others besides himself and she obviously did too. And Helen..." Liked Simon's arrogance," I filled in."Until she didn't," Eva shrugged. We shrugged along with her, at least internally. Helen would always be a puzzle.But Helena added, "I think, after millennia, she's found someone she loves, who loves her back without that annoying adoration." Shit," I said, making my lovers laugh, which included all the lovely ladies at the table. "I may be a stud, but I'm not a love god." But you are, my love," Helena pronounced. "Physically and emotionally. You attract it and sustain it, whether you intend it or not. You may even last as long as a god." When the other ladies laughed, she shook her head. "Such dirty minds. I meant him being immortal." Joe's. Maybe we could havehelped each other. Maybe I wouldn't be where I was now. But, she wasdead. Victim of an 'accidental' overdose. About as accidental as I wasplanning."You know. You're one of the lucky ones who got to spend at least partof their lives as a woman. Look at me...I'm nearly sixty, I've been wearingdresses as long as I can remember and I will NEVER look like a woman!Christ. I just want this over with. I'm so tired of living a lie!Jahna just looked at me with those big blue eyes. I saw a tear slowlycrawl down her cheek."God damnit!! I've tried! I've tried being what everyone expects me tobe. I've tried living my life in the shadows! One foot in the closet andone foot out! I just can't do it any more!" I was shouting and crying at the same time. Jahna just sat on the coffeetable and took my hand in both of hers."I know. I was there. I was the woman I was always meant to be until aTV show found out I had transitioned and decided to out me. I couldn'tget past.
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