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I did like earning my own money and I loved the idea of being independent, from him and from my parents.However, what I loved, what I really craved, was all those men’s eyes on me and the look of lust I saw within them. Furthermore, I loved what I saw on those giant TV screens when Derek made those videos and I watched them with him, or spent hours alone when he was at work watching them by myself. I loved doing all of those unspeakable sexual acts with him, things that my family would never understand. It was more acceptable for my family to think I was greedy instead of admitting to them that I was a sexual deviant.“Your entire life, honey, we’ve given you everything and you’ve wanted for nothing; is money really that important to you?” my mother asked.“Child,” Grammy jumped in, “there’s things much more important than money. You know this, you’ve been taught this. This is just wrong.”They’re ganging up on me now.“Look,” I said, but I struggled with what to say next. “I ... I’m not. Each year, he observed the file of crippled soldiers, long since passed their usefulness to a society, doing it's best to forget for the other three hundred and sixty four days, except in the glorified films of heroic deeds with John Wayne, or another popular actor, leading a squad of crack troopers into an impossible confrontation, overwhelming odds, somehow beaten at the loss of one or two, good men. The silver screen could not convey the disease, shit, fear and boredom of warfare.He had watched the ruins of buildings rebuilt, almost in unseemly haste, as if to purge the lingering scars of destruction from sight, from memory. Mental scars could not be expunged from the mind so easily. Time is the only healer, and that, not very successful.Every year, the ever dwindling numbers of ex-service men, filed along the Mall, a proud march, to lay wreaths of poppies at the Cenotaph and pay their respects. Each had a story of the last world war, holding memories of fallen comrades and.
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