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Saying goodbye, she was frightened by the reality of how casually she had thrown herself into this situation.On the walk back to her dorm, a furious sense of panic swept through her. “Am I a lesbian? What about getting married to the man of my dreams, living in a nice house outside the city, having kids?” Instead, a horrifying image crept into her mind – thirty years in the future she saw herself as an overweight, middle-aged lesbian sitting alone in a seedy bar.She angrily shook her head. “It was a fling. A drunk experiment. A stupid moment of weakness. I’ve liked guys all my life. That’s not going to change just because being with a woman doesn’t totally gross me out. Besides, guys like girls that are a little bit bi… yeah, sure, not that I’m ever going to tell anyone. I’m not going to do a girl, just so some stupid boyfriend gets his rocks off.” Melissa firmly ignored a thrill that resonated within her at the idea of performing with another woman to arouse a man. “No way. Not. I'll finishthis one if readers want me to.Sorting Out - Part 4: Ruth's New Year's Party 1975.It had been more than 4 years since I had been outside thehouse, fully dressed as a girl, for the Halloween party in 1971.Dressing up had been relegated to maybe once every other monthduring my junior high years, whenever everyone was out of thehouse for the day on a Saturday and I had the place to myself.I continued to grow taller throughout 7th and 8th grade(1972-1973) and had hit 5'10" by the end of 10th grade in thespring of 1975. But I had never really had any noticeabletransition into puberty. I was virtually hairless on my bodynothing on my face or chest, and only a hint of very tiny lightblonde peach fuzz on my arms and legs. I had almost no pubichair, and the bit I had was very thin and light blonde.I weighed in at around 140 lbs. with just a 25" inch waist andbasically not an ounce of fat on me. Along my upper chest andshoulders, my collarbone was very pronounced, showing through.
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