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The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.-OR-You can retire to New York City where...1 You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.3. You think Central Park is “nature.”4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression-OR-You can retire to Michigan where...1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.-OR-You can retire to The Deep South where...1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.2 “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is. Nobody will have to drive, and we’re all just looking to relax and have fun, and party like we did back in the day.”“Okay, you’re on. Do I need to bring anything?”“Nope. Just yourself. I’ll even have a uniform for you.”“Uniform?” I questioned.“I’m still trying to figure it out, but it won’t be anything elaborate,” she said. “Just show up ready to serve us for a few hours, ok?”We left it at that. I penciled it in on my calendar and went about my business. I was very busy at work, so the next ten days passed quickly, without me thinking too much about the party. I knew this bunch of 60ish women would get a bit silly and probably a bit drunk, so it would be a fun time for all of us. Most of us went to school together a long time ago, so I was pretty relaxed about the whole thing.She messaged me the day before the party to confirm the time and place. “7pm at Diane’s house. Other waiter is Danny.”“Ok. What about this uniform crap?”“Not a big deal. Can you handle wearing a bow tie for.
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