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I muddle through. I struggle to maintain my composure each and every minute of my day. A day that drags on and on and gets harder and harder to get through. Each day I wonder. Each day I tell myself. I tell myself that this it is for the best. That it can’t be any other way. It has to be this way and this way only. I try to explain it to myself. I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry. A little reluctant I made my way with the four guys upstairs to our hotel room where we were going to have a number of drinks to celebrate Stephens new job.The guys entered the room first and held the door open for me. I thanked them as I entered the room.Stephen poured everyone a drink of vodka, were all cheered by clinking our glasses together and then downing the alcoholic beverage. The celebrations went on for a number of hours and everyone was starting to feel tipsy.We were all drinking, dancing, and laughing having a good time – someone lit a joint and we all passed that around taking a hit then passing it on.While dancing Stephen came over to me and whispered in my ear "Craig wants to fuck you", I looked at him astonished."It's ok, he will be gentle" Stephen said giving me a reassuring look. I trusted Stephen and did promise I would do anything for him – so I agreed to it.I walked over to Craig and took him by the hand, leading him to the one bed and pushing him back until he.
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