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”“It sounds to me like you and Doctor Mercer are making some progress,” I said.Kara sighed, “Yes. It’s hard to look deep into myself and see things that I really don’t like. And to try to understand why I am the way I am. I guess you’ve done that for years.”“I have. It’s one of the reasons I’ve kept the journal all these years.”“I started one. Doctor Mercer asked me to do that after Thanksgiving when you broke me out of that trance I was in. I’d so convinced myself that I was an evil person who I didn’t want to live, but I couldn’t kill myself so I just kind of went through the motions.”“You thought about killing yourself?” I gasped, unable to restrain my emotions.“Yes. On my birthday. When I got Steve Bear. Up until that point, I was so angry with you and blamed you for everything. When you sent me that gift and the letter, something inside me just snapped. I wanted to die. I really did. I almost took my mom’s bottle of sleeping pills. Almost. I was standing in front of her medicine. Jessie, please keep it secret.”“Jane what do you do on the video?” “Oh I couldn'y tell you because you would not approve.” “Jane if you don'y tell me who knows I might tell R I met you on the bus from the city and yous trongly smelt of sex.” “Jessie, I thought you are my close friend, how could you do that?” “Easy you are making a lot of money. I'd like to do that. So you have a choice: Tell me of face the consequences. How would R react Jane?”“Oh Jessie he would go mad and probably divorce me.” “If I was you I would tell but it is your choice. What would you do with no income and no house to live in? What do you think the Rev would think and would you still be allowed to sing in the choir?”“Jessie, I hadn't thought of all that. I will tell you but only if you promise not to tell anyone. I stripped in front of three men. They stripped as well. One videoed and instructed another on how to use the controls for the video cameras in the studio where we were. The first man stroked my.
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