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First off, my main characters don't respond to love making, at least not in the scenes that are the focus of the stories. So I shifted his arousal to my standard - humiliation.Second, none of my people are tormented by their reactions. They accept them. When I discarded shame as a central motivator I was left with quite a different dynamic than what Gabaldon described.And I was left with an even better understanding of what I'm about in my fantasies. My first three books were recordings of fantasies. That is, meditations that aroused me.In the end An Enigma became that, but in reverse order, fiction before fantasy.Readers might well decide that this story is not realistic. You'd probably be right. This is a fantasy, not a slice of life.It also brought me nearer to dealing with the mystery of the connection between sexual arousal and surrender. I almost said "near to an understanding of," but no, I'm not anywhere close to understanding it. I'm just acknowledging the mystery.I have. 'Has Joe ever touched you'. My daughter just shook her head and said nothing more, if anything, she at least had my defensive streak, a code of silence, I Joe had, then his family sexual exploits were safe with us, and I respected her strength in that.My daughter got up from the table, and went to the sink, her t-shirt did nothing to hide the fact she was naked under it.'You have an aversion to wearing underwear'? 'None more than you mother dear', and at that pertinent reply, she flicked her t-shirt up to reveal her pert bum, a perfect derriere, bubble round atop a perfect 'V', her vagina visible and open to view, God I felt a pang of jealousy, she had it all.She turned and walked back to the table, and stood behind the seat she had just vacated, 'Since we have had this open discussion about sex, how about you and I going to the city and buy me some sex stuff'?My mouth fell open, 'Your grandmother would have slapped me, if I asked her that', I said in reply, and at that moment my.
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