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I really AM a woman inside. He would be the added bonus. Nice bonus, though.He has confided in me that occasionally he imagines himself to be female. It is not an all-consuming thing for him like it was for me before I finally made the decision to change. But I'm afraid that, like he once said, "the dam may break." If that happens I'll be there for him when the pronoun becomes "her." That may hurt me, but I do love him, so what he needs will come first.Over the last year or so I have met others like me and have begun friendships. One of these friends helped me work through some anger to find the love. I thank her for that debt that I could never repay. I have been guided by that love concept since.I have found courage lately through a friend of mine that has become close enough that we call each other sisters. She has challenged me to make those tough decisions. She says that I should tell my parents that I am their daughter. She says that I should tell my synagogue that I am. ’ Her face grew worried when she said the last thing. After clearing her throat, she asked ‘1, How is it that money that you have signing control over keeps getting into what used to be our checking account and that my student loans were paidoff. And now 2, really, why did you stay and help us so much this week.’ ‘Cathy, it is not a two-parter, it is all about the same thing, just different sides. I am going to tell you about what I did to prepare for your shower, actually, a reveal, the public humiliation to end our marriage. I am not going to talk about this with malice in my heart, but am going to be honest and open.’ ‘Those months before and during your pregnancy, I could not be honest, could not be who I am. I hated doing that and have vowed to never do it again. That tore my being apart slightly less than you tore my being apart. Some of these things that I will say, I have already asked and received permission to share with you if you were ever to ask and I was ever to see.
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