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She leaned in closer to me, and stayed that way until the end of the film. We were still feeling a little tentative, however, which made us sit up a little straighter than we would have otherwise. My arm started to tingle and fall asleep. but I was not going to remove it, no matter how uncomfortable I got.At the end of the movie, just before the house lights came up, I painfully lifted my arm off her shoulder and started rubbing it, trying to get some feeling back into it. Missy glanced at me out of the corner of her eye, and started giggling. My first thought was What the heck is she laughing at?, but I couldn't hold that thought for more than a moment before I started chuckling, too. It was kind of funny, I thought, to think that through most of a two-hour movie I had no feeling at all in my arm, this arm that was closest to this girl I was beginning to really like a lot.We walked out of the movie holding hands, bundled up against the cold, and joined our friends as we all piled. If Noah did what was consistent with his nature, which was always making the “right” decision, then this night was over and I would have to repair whatever emotional damage I had done to my son. It was the only moment I had any doubts about what I was doing.“Well… everyone. Everybody says it’s wrong. You know i… it is.” Noah sounded like someone arguing a point they didn’t believe in. “I ca… can’t let you d… do th… th… this.” He had said ‘can’t’, not ‘won’t’’. Noah was in the middle of an internal battle of desires. One side was desperate to ‘do the right thing’ while the other side was just as desperate to let him surrender to me.My logical mind calmly said ‘This is wrong. You should stop.’ but my heart drown it out with a voice that spoke of love, passion, and rightness. I was desperate to confess my love to my son, a love I knew was anything but ‘motherly’. Suddenly, I realized these feelings had always been there, simmering, growing underneath the layer of maternal instincts..
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