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I let her think that she made all of the decisions that brought her there. And that was the truth, because I had never invited her in, and was truly unaware of the attraction she had for me. I asked her if she was still a virgin. She told me that she had made out with some boys and even let one boy suck on her nipples. She rubbed his penis through his jeans and she thought that would be the night, but suddenly he stopped, and she noticed a big wet spot on his jeans. She was confused because he got very angry and took her home. She said that she didn’t know what he said to the other boys, but no one had asked her out since that happened. I told her what happened. I explained to her what a premature ejaculation was. I let her know that she did nothing wrong and that stupid boy was embarrassed, and probably thought she would make fun of him with the other girls. He didn’t realize what a sweet, caring, sensitive girl she was, and he probably said some mean things about her so she would. It's weird, you would think that I should feel totally debased but Idon't. I feel a strange satisfaction about being so horribly degraded.I have always fantasized about being controlled to that level, but myfantasies have always revolved around being kept as a woman. But notreally a woman, rather as a feminized she-male slave, the product of myowners desires. I know it must sound very strange...a man wanting to bekept and treated so harshly. I have tried to make sense of it for yearsbut have learned to just accept it. My fantasies are extreme." "Nothingis too extreme. You've kept this inside too long, let it all outNikki." "Okay, I imagine, for example, that my body is sculpted withbig breasts implants and a narrow waist and full hips. I have evenfantasized about severe corset training and high heel training to thepoint that I couldn't bear being without either. I imagine that myowner delights in my constant feelings of humiliation and progressivedecent in to inescapable submission.".
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