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The main reason would mean I am moving in a direction away from Diane. I realize that it is not cheating and that she would want me to be happy, but I don’t know if I would experience guilt after the act. Would I resent Molly for being the next one? Would I resent myself?Right now I am trying to figure how to tell my kids know I am in a relationship with someone. How would they feel about me or Molly? I know I have to tell them before this bond becomes greater but having the right words elude me and the timing is always wrong or I keep telling myself it is. I think over Easter weekend I am going to come clean and take my lumps. I can only hope MJ and Erin are understanding of my feelings and get to know Molly a little bit before judgment.The least of my worries is how I look and performance. Obviously I have had sex before but this is going to be different than any other situation I have ever been. The first time with Lisa was all that of a first time for both parties. I found that loan payments were backbreaking, even working full-time. But my grades were good enough that grants were a possibility.In my search for tuition money, I found, literally thousands of dollars of grant money just lying around waiting to be claimed. Most of these grants I didn't qualify for, but I did find three grants that, when combined, were enough to pay for tuition, help supplement my dorm rent and leave me some left over for living expenses. For starving, unemployed college students, the best part of grant money is you never have to pay it back.Before Gary left the building, I instructed him to get my wallet and an envelope that I had taped to the bottom of my dresser drawer. It had the remains of the most recent grant payout; nearly $7000 in pre-programmed chip funds that I had to use to make a tuition payment Monday, after this farce was over and I was "good ole Mikey" again. After that, I would still have about $400. I couldn't see a reason for needing to have all.
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