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Perhaps for too long, my eyes hesitated where thighs widened into hips covered by brown shorts. Continuing past the narrow waist, I lingered on the swelling under her bright green halter. I finished my visual journey staring into twinkling, big, brown eyes over a grin bordered by dimples."Hello, Jack." Hi, Beth. Join me. Please."Gracefully, she knelt and leaned forward to be kissed. She always did that, offering a cheek to me in greeting. The angle was askew: our lips touched. We each looked away, but not before our eyes had met for an instant."It's good to see you," she said, a small catch in her voice."I've missed you," escaped from me. I looked away quickly. "Vicki's not here. She went to the mall." I knew she'd be gone. She told me you were starting on your garden. I came to help." All the way from college to spend spring break working like a Turk. It doesn't sound very appealing."What did she not say? What was the look she gave me? That look evaporated like my sweat on this hot. When my little candle was lit, it illuminated the dark cave of my life. I was singing one of Ginny’s favorites, and when I couldn’t hear Ginny’s powerful, but always off-key, voice, my voice became husky. I lost the tune while the tears I’d never shed rolled down my cheeks. I saw our friends from the Sunday School class Ginny and I had attended faithfully for the last twenty-five years. I saw our two children, one on either side of me. Each of their spouses sitting beyond their set of my darling grandchildren. I saw everything except my other half. My daughter was sitting on my left, my son on my right. Kristin, ever a ‘daddy’s girl’ saw me crying first. Reaching behind me she poked her younger brother, and in a stage whisper urged, ‘We have to get Daddy home, now!’ I was too overcome to protest, but the last thing I wanted was to go back to my empty house. Somehow, the two families hustled me out of the pew and through the church’s back door before Silent Night, always the last.
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