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I got out a smaller bowl andpoured about half of the flour into that. I'd started a sourdoughbefore, but that had been in the professional kitchens at the college,and I'd had the benefit of package yeast to start. I assumed that anylive cultures would be at the bottom near the sediment, and away fromthe poisonous vinegar above, so I dumped out most of the bottle. Itoccurred to me that I could have used that vinegar for something else,and I kicked myself for wastefulness. I wasn't sure how much I wouldneed, so I probably used more. I added sugar from some packets I hadscrounged from diners, then tried to balance the water temperature soit was warm, but not so hot that it killed the yeast. I stirred it allinto runny goo and hoped for the best.Soren looked over my shoulder. "Doesn't look like much." If we're lucky, this'll turn into a base I can use for making properbread. For today flat cornbread will have to do." I reached intothe linen cupboard for a tea towel and covered. She accused me of being foolish and of throwing my life away. But she didn’t know about Joyce, and I couldn’t tell her.”“So she’s hoping we get back together. What did you tell her?”“That I wasn’t ready for that just yet. Oh, I could easily fuck you, and it would be glorious like it always was, but I don’t want to fuck. I want to make love. And we can’t do that yet. Not now. Maybe not ever, despite what we did at Christmas. That was beautiful and perfect and glorious. But it was once, to prove to myself that I could do it and have no regrets of any kind.”“You really don’t have any regrets?”“No way, Steve. I love you just as much as I always did. You love me just as much as you always did. The problem is, as you put it, that I ripped your heart out and stomped on it. The fact that you’re sitting here talking to me is beyond anything I could rightfully hope for. You agreeing to let me back into your life and be my friend is a bonus. Anything beyond that is just a dream at this point,.
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