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The whole thing had been planned. I've heard it said that the best defense is a good offense. My daddy used to tell me that all the time. So if I wanted to go out and do something and I didn't want to worry about Ev calling home and wondering where I was, the best thing to do was to simply tell him that I was going out. And by getting upset about it, and starting an argument, Ev would just leave me alone about it and never bother me about it or bring it up again.Of course, I'd lied to him about where I was going and what I would be doing but he didn't need to know that. I got back in my car and drove away from Ev's warehouse. I picked my phone out of my purse and called a familiar number. I actually knew the number by heart. I didn't store it in my phone's memory, just in case Ev ever checked my phone."I'll be there soon," I said. Then I hung up. Twenty minutes later, I got out of the car and went inside of one of the largest hotels on the river front. There was no need for me to. “He was making you into a good, decent human being and I’d say he did a pretty good job.”“Amen,” a couple of the men mumbled.But I didn’t agree.I certainly didn’t feel like a good man and this little speech hadn’t convinced me otherwise. There was nothing about my life that another should envy, especially not a pastor. I don’t have a heart of gold like Benny, nor nerves of steel like Jimmy and I don’t perform good acts unless they benefit my own situation. I only saved Paul because it was my job and only treat the men charitably hoping they’d work hard for me in return.It wasn’t out of kindness but rather for an ease of existence.This man had some fucking nerve to call me a good man? And to claim it’s all part of God’s plan ... well that’s a hard pill to swallow.I still didn’t know what to do or how to respond, not sure if anyone did. For each of us avoided eye contact and stared mindlessly at the flames, like a bunch of dumb fucks. The awkward silence lasted too long.“Y’all get.
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