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He drove himself hard, stopping only for a brief lunch and a midday rest. He avoided his younger brother. He had few words for his mother, who knew her oldest son was troubled beyond her counsel. Dee could only look on and tell herself that when he needed her, he would come to her. She sensed that although he was beyond her reach, he loved and needed her."So. I hear you've been sniffing around some new little girl in town, huh!" His stepfather's words intruded across the kitchen table, catching Graydon lost in weary thoughts of his own."Uhh ... what? What did you say?" I said I hear there's a girl staying down at that taxidermist's place, that friend you got, that freak with the crippled arm. I hear he's got a strange girl come to live with him and his teacher wife. I hear that you've been going down there a lot. What's up? You gettin' a little honey on yer stinger?"Graydon sat, staring, disbelieving. His mother looked down into her plate. Graydon set his fork down and moved his. As I stood there in front of mom I realized that I was no longer indenial. I had envied Gina for years, her femininity was almostoverpowering, yet she had a gentle way about her that defied explanation.I had always wanted to be a girl, and I knew it, especially right after Iwent to school dressed that way. Only my male pride kept me from revealingthat, and ever since then I had denied my attraction and desire to be awoman. That's why I never once put up much of a fight. Not because of somepageant that I may or may not win, not for the memory of Gina, or even tosave mom the entry fee she paid. It was for me. It was a way for me tobecome the woman I had become when I was in high school, and dreamed ofever since. Everything about me was different on the outside, from asmaller nose to my wider hips, rounder bottom and breasts, and I justcould not help thinking that I was the luckiest woman in the world. Yet, Ifound myself wanting to revert, to deny what I felt, to let my male prideback in.
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