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Go on and get your cleaning done, dear boy."I wanted her to argue with me. I wanted her to beg me to stay. I wanted her to drag me upstairs and tell me she loved me with everything inside her and beg me to take her back, which I would do in a heartbeat, in spite of everything. Foolish maybe, but I was madly in love with her, in the least cliché sense of the term. I felt like I was half insane. Honestly. Which was why I had to get out of there, and in a way, even if she had begged me to stay, I don't think I would have."Will you be alright?" Charlotte said. "Honestly?"No, Charlotte. I feel like I've been ripped in half at the waist and twisted around like an old rag. I feel dizzy and sick and lost and alone, and you're the only cure, but there's poison in the cure at the same time, so I can't win. How do you feel? I hope you're at least a little bit as messed up as I am, because if you weren't, I'd feel even worse. I love you so much it feels like hell burning inside me. Ever been. But now I’m learning that it wasn’t the crime that was important – it’s what I’ve done since then that matters. I’m grateful that I had running to fall back on while I processed this. Running helps me stay strong physically and mentally, and it took a while, but I’m now even stronger than I was before I was raped. That four-hour ordeal that I suffered last October was horrible, but it was just something that happened to me. I didn’t choose to have that experience, but while it is now a part of who I am, it doesn’t define me. I’m a complex woman and a survivor. I’m a runner, I am strong, and I am free. John looked up at Amy and said, ‘Wow.’ Amy didn’t answer. She wasn’t sure what to say. John spoke again, ‘Wow. I’m really proud of you.’ ‘You are?’ Amy’s shoulders relaxed in relief. ‘I mean, I may sound like I don’t care what other people think in that article, but I really care about what you think.’ ‘I think you are amazing.’ ‘But… what if people who know you see this.
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