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But then you showed me just how much of a jerk you could be. Yes, I wasn’t thinking about the test when I pushed you that night, but can you blame me? You purposefully did everything you could to confuse me! You toyed with me and played with me!”“I know.”“You have no idea how frustrated, confused, and upset I was. You were playing mind games with me. You were obviously flirting, or I thought you were. I wanted you to get to the point where we might go to bed together. I wanted you in the worst possible way. And that Bond outfit just pushed me over the edge. But I couldn’t have you. And then you pushed me away, hard.”“All true,” I said. “Though I wasn’t intending to flirt, even though I’m sure it looked like I was, and if you perceived it that way, it’s my fault.”“I forgive you.”“Thank you.”“Come have lunch next Tuesday,” Crystal said. “I need to decide what to do.”I almost asked what she had to decide, but the ‘mindfulness’ discussion caused me to stop before the words crossed my. "My head nods negatively but she wasn't looking at me but at the floor between us.Suddenly she is gone, the door to her bedroom closing. A moment later, I could hear her shower running.I sit stunned. What have I done!Starting supper, mother reappears wearing an old over-sized cotton sweat pants and a over-sized tee-shirt, she appears beside me without a sound and the two of us prepare a generous meal. At the table mother tries to engage me in conversation about school but that melts away back to awkward silence. When suddenly mother puts down her water cup with a bang and barks, "Damn it honey, I know it's unfair what happened, but life is unfair!"Mother covers her face with her palms and sobs, "My life ... how could I be so stupid..."This emotional outpouring is enough to have me rushing to her side, my arms embracing her, she slips her arms about me, her face pressed into my chest. She pulls away after some minutes and wipes her tears from her flushed cheeks, "Could we talk about.
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