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I had a hard time believing that road conditions in New Jersey could get much worse than they were under the best of circumstances. As I headed south, traffic on I-95 was practically bumper to bumper. In the constant rain, it was moving slowly, but moving. Occasionally, an intense thunderstorm cell would pass through the area and make driving even worse. I seemed to be making very little progress. I should have expected nothing less than a hurricane as I headed home. A hurricane was a fitting way to end a stressful week in the New York City area. In spite of the weather and traffic, I was relieved to be heading south, toward my home in rural eastern Georgia. I had not been in New York City on a pleasure trip. My job as a private investigator had taken me there. I had spent most of my time in New York City in the seedier areas of Brooklyn and The Bronx. A forty-four-year-old, balding, over weight, white man can easily get himself killed working in some of those areas. Though I had. It's a pain like nothing else because no matter what you do, no matter what medicine or treatment you give to that pain it's still there. It's there when you see his face, hear his voice, remember his touch. It's always there.When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you don't have to worry too much about them intentionally hurting you. That's because everything small memory you've over analyzed hits you across the face over and over. You're constantly hating yourself because this one person was so important to you and now she's gone. “I should've done..” “Why was I so..” “No wonder she doesn't..” Those thoughts are toxic and seizes up your body.When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you get so ******* close to hating them. You hate that they've ripped you open, eaten you up and have left you to decay. You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't.
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