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Goodwill would be by in the morning to pick it up. That would give me three receipts that I could use on Schedule A under Charitable Contributions when tax time came. At least I would get something out of the marriage.After Goodwill made their pick up I used the rest of the day to finish moving what was left in the house to my new apartment. That done I called and had the gas, phone and electricity turned off. The lease still had two months to run and I had no way to get out of it so I called the landlord and let him know I wasn't going to renew. I mentally accepted that I could kiss the security deposit goodbye. Jill had a temper and what she might do when she came home to an empty house might even exceed the amount of the deposit.I supposed a good deal of the blame could be laid on me because I wasn't more assertive with Jilly. I tended to always let her have her way. Some say I was pussy whipped and I guess that was true enough, but it was to be expected, especially from a guy. The tempo rises, not quite a crescendo yet, but signalling that the only possible things to come are either escalation or a full stop. They say it's the hidden ones, the notes that you never hear, that matter the most. It's the motions, the way we sway, the way we respond to absence.And I know this is true when I withdraw. It's sudden and fast, your moans ceasing, becoming something close to a whimper. Your eyes lock with mine, pleading. And you don't say a word, only returning my smile when I begin to lick my glistening fingers clean. You're as transfixed as I am while memorizing the way you taste. My fingers return and sink within, speeding up the tempo, your narrowing eyelids signalling to not relent, to plunge as deep as I can and do not dare slow down or stop again. I know this in the sudden rise in your hips, in the way your lips kiss mine now with an urgency so primal that it almost hurts. Sometimes we need the pain. I never pull away, melding our tongues together in their own.
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