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" he said. "I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard."I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.My next crap could spell disaster.Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring and farting ... so, at least I got home OK.The wife's back on the warpath again.She was up for making a home video last night and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport."Nationality?" asks the immigration officer."German," she replies."Occupation?"No, just here for a few days."As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer's funeral, a voice from inside screams:"I'm not dead, I'm not dead. Let me out!"The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters,"Too late, mate, the paperwork's already done."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.After both suffering. I am very, how shall I put this – demanding of my staff. Especially so of my personal assistant’The job title had whole new connotations now, that was blatantly clear even if he hadn’t used the words. He wanted a personal slut, a slave, a fuck toy – however you wanted to put it. So why was I ignoring the voice in my head telling me to get the hell out of here and listening to the one that wanted to know more. Suddenly I felt him behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders, his breath on my neck. His face was so close to my ear that had I turned our lips would have touched. Every muscle in my body tensed at his touch but not with the fear I had anticipated it would, but with a desire like I’d never felt before. It felt like he was touching every inch of me, caressing me with his voice, dragging me somewhere I knew I wanted to go. Suddenly Ms Shaw was stood in front of me with a book, bound in black. ‘I want you to take this book Ms Tucker and go out into the hall way. I want you to.
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