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I thought I hadn't really deserved the friendsI had. I believed I didn't really deserve the life I was leading. Therewas no obvious reason for any of these feelings, other than a feeling ofdisconnection from the world, and a solipsistic worldview that came frombeing wrapped up too much in my own mind and not enough in the cares ofothers.I had tried other things to overcome this: volunteering at the HarvardSquare Homeless Shelter throughout my senior year and then continuing onafter I had graduated. But while I felt better about 'giving back,' Istill didn't feel like I was part of the Shelter Team. That was noreflection on them ? the volunteers were all lovely people. It wassomething wrong with me.When I joined the Blackjack team, I distrusted Arun but I got to feellike part of a team in a more meaningful way than I had ever felt before.I had never played team sports, apart from cross country which doesn'treally count as a collaborative team sport, and I never felt completelyaccepted. .. all the way... we're going to make love! I'm going to fuck you!"She, strangely, felt no surprise at his words. It was as though she had expected them, or her normal reaction to them was thwarted, turned aside, as it were, for in a perfectly civilized conversational tone, she answered. "We can't do that! Remember... I'm your sister..."But, she experienced a tingle of excitement, a tiny tremor in her, and she was aware of it like a minute spark struck from a piece of flint against hard steel. She was the tinder box into which the spark of an idea was directed. She had no idea how powerful that one spark would be!"We'll just forget that... anyway, it's been done lots of times... by other brothers and sisters..." Who... for instance."He thought a moment. "The Pharoahs of Ancient Egypt!" he said."Well... we're not Ancient Egyptians!" She didn't really feel like arguing the point. All she felt like doing was relaxing and letting the feelings of euphoria wash over her."We could.
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