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Then I began to feelguilty. Her control over me grew. It is hard to explain, but it was if shewas watching me all the time. She was inside my head. I began to think shecould read all of my thoughts; or maybe I just wanted to feel that way. Soon,I completely quit masturbating myself to orgasm, unless she ordered me to.I did not want sexual relief unless she wanted it. In addition, she startedmaking me go longer between orgasms. At first, it would be a week. Then she extended to 10 days, then 2 weeks.While this was going on she would use me to make her cum, sometimes every night,even 2 or 3 times some nights. I was a walking ball of sexual nerves. One nightI got up the nerve to ask her. Actually, I begged her to let me masturbate. "Denny, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? Your begging will notconvince me that you are deserving." But Honey, it has been over two weeksthis time. "I know Denny, but you are not ready. You know that I will let youwhen it is time. And it is not. There were no boy clothes. I could feel my anxiety again and Ikicked a dollhouse and screamed my name was Ash and I did not want tobe a girl!Aunty got very mad at me, and told me I was a girl and I had to acceptit. God made me a girl. My parents fooled around with creation. Shestormed out of my new bedroom and warned me to think about what I willdo, or life would be very sad from now on. I could hear her mumblingthat how could anyone treat a girl like a boy?I looked around and ripped off my girl clothes and just sat therenaked. I wanted to scream and cry, but I had no tears left. I startedto think of what I wanted. This was easy. I wanted my mom and dad back.I wanted my old clothes and toys. I wanted my old name. All this wasnot possible, and when I looked down at my body, it confirmed that Iwas born as a girl. This confused me, as I had a girls body, but I feltlike a boy. I looked in the mirror and felt so empty inside when I seena girls slit on my body. Should I fight God and the.
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