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Silence pervaded the house, blanketing the kitchen and utility rooms and making her heart sound like a bass drum. Come on, Cassidy. It’s just a house. She wanted to think that. She wanted to pretend that what had happened hadn’t happened but she had the scars to prove it. Why couldn’t we have just been a normal family? Because her father was an alcoholic. Because her father was a wife beater. Because her father was a child molester. Because she’d shot him 15 years ago. The screen door slammed shut and she jumped as if it was the shot she’d fired so long ago. It echoed in her mind and the smell of cordite burned in her nostrils. It had been his .45 that she had found hidden in the ratty folds of the his recliner and she remembered how her heart had pounded in her chest as she gingerly handled the silver gun, her dirty, bitten fingernails rubbing the long barrel as if it spoke to her. Security, it said. Freedom, it whispered. And she listened. The stairs going up to her room creaked in. "All the time?"I nodded and she got up and walked away.The next day she was back at lunch. "I need to ask another question." She sniffed and looked around. "Does it hurt?" Let's go outside," I said, trying not to smile and hoping I was going to get a chance to show her whether it hurt or not. She was one of the prettiest girls in the whole damn school. Anyhow, we sat in the same place."Sometimes it hurts," I said. "Especially the first time. It varies." Explain." She exhaled."Well, are you a virgin? Do you have a hymen, an intact hymen?"She shook her curly head. "I tore it horseback riding. I guess some of it's left." It's called cherry popping. Boys call it that. Penetrating the hymen, a whole one, it can hurt."She nodded. "That all?"I licked my lips feeling my cock swelling. Just talking about it made me horny. "Probably hurts young women, and maybe men, more than older ones. Depends on size and, well, consideration; oh, an experience. Rape's got to hurt. It's violent. Making love.
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