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’ ‘Half a mind?’ he questioned. ‘Well, if that’s how you feel, I can’t stop you.’ I froze my face struck red, as I had no comeback to that. He chuckled lightly. ‘Good, good. Now, if you’re ready, let’s go.’ I, almost drawn to his lighthearted arrogance, reached out my hand to him and allowed him to guide me out of the hotel as we made our way out to the town. ***** ‘Pour me another shot!’ I shouted to the bartender. As I gulped down the alcohol, Thomas stared at me. I glared at him. ‘Is there something wrong?’ He sighed dreamily. ‘Nothing’s wrong, Shayla, but…you’re such a beautiful woman.’ I motioned for the bartender to pour me another shot and gulped it down fast and looked over at Thomas, slightly buzzed. ‘Beautiful? Tch. You haven’t seen much then.’ He shook his head. ‘That’s a very upsetting way to think of yourself.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Another shot!’ I yelled to the bartender. Thomas looked at me, concerned. ‘Are you sure you should be drinking this much, Shayla?’ I shrugged.. These feelings shocked me but excited me more, and instead of denying them, after a while I embraced them. They naturally evolved as I became a teenager, and by 14 I was having powerful day dreams about being killed.... the fantasy would be similar, I would be abducted, raped, taken in every hole and the final act would be a huge blade stabbing into me. I would come in waves and waves, sweating and panting as I imagined it entering my belly, cutting me open... my captors would crowd round, and I would look up at them and thank them as I slipped away..... When I became a young woman, I needed to be more extreme and so the scenario changed to its most honest form... I would imagine that I volunteered to be killed ! This took me to new, impossible heights of sexual excitement and satisfaction, and I finally realised that this had been my ultimate dream from the very beginning. Day in and day out I would picture myself, naked and shaking with fear and excitement, surrounded by fully.
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