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My friend who has walked through this entire mess with me said to me: “I know why God’s ignoring you.”Me:”Why, other than the fact I’m an asshole?”Friend: “You killed God. You’ve spent your entire life searching for wisdom. You’ve studied religion, magick, psychology, all of it. You killed your belief in god long before you ever got sick. When you faced that darkness you knew you were the only one there and that you couldn’t answer your own prayer.”Me: “Wait a minute, You’re saying I’m mad at myself?”Friend: “Yes.”I felt the truth of his words and it was like he had run me through with a sword. I was speechless. It took me a couple of days to process what he had told me. He was in fact, correct. In my heart, I had killed God. Nobody is home or on the throne.It’s a liberating, yet lonely thought. All my life, I have been told of a loving Father which is an image I clung to as I never had one. The Christian faith is burned deep into my soul/mind and even though I have no “faith” I. He was even harder now as I took the head of his cock into my mouth and let my tongue swirl around the tip and sucked on it like it was a piece of hard candy. It was very hard. I released him and looked up into his eyes. They were smiling. I took him in my mouth again more deeply this time and I slowly fucked him with my mouth. I wanted to touch my clit while had him in my mouth. I knew I'd cum in a second, but held back the desire to touch myself. Suddenly, I again felt his firm hand on my shoulders pulling me off his beautiful cock and standing me up. "Suzanne" he said, "do you want to go the party now". "No" I replied "I want to stay here”. Quietly he said "Take your dress off and lay down on the bed ". I moved away a bit so he would have a better view and loosened the tie of my little party dress. It fell to the floor. I could feel my nipples hard and straining against the sheer fabric of my bra. I looked down and I could see as well as feel my juices flooding my tiny white.
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