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It didn't matter how attracted I was to Luke. Personally speaking, I'd been dealing with so much crap as it was, I wouldn't have wanted to add sorting out a more physical relationship with Luke to the list. But just because I felt that what we'd talked about was right, and even if Luke knew that nothing could happen between us, that didn't mean that it's what he wanted.I felt completely brazen for even thinking that. I looked at Luke, watching him lick a smudge of tomato sauce off of his lip. He didn't like me. I doubted that I was even his type. Maybe he cared about me, and looked out for me, and was completely supportive whenever I needed him to be, but to think that he was interested in something more seemed so far-fetched that I couldn't even begin to comprehend it, and the thought alone made me uneasy. I wasn't supposed to be feeling like this--confused, and torn; and really confused, and terrified that on some level, Seth's assumption could be true; and I was really, really. It's okay."I don't know exactly how long we stood there, or what would've happened if I hadn't looked up. But I did look—luck, fortune, kismet, fate, whatever you want to call it—and saw. Over Brandon's shoulder, I saw.And in the instant my eyes met Jane's, I understood.Understood how much she wanted to be the one there, the one in Brandon's arms, her bare breasts pressed against his skin. Understood how much she rebelled against her own desires, so scared, so scared of being unearthed. Understood how scared she was, how much she hated her body for its lurching unattractiveness, how much she feared Brandon for finding it attractive. Understood how often she cried over her homework, frustrated with her implacable assignments, disordered assignments; how hard it was to maintain her 4.0 GPA, how important it was. Understood how fragile the whole castle was, how little it would take to bring the whole spun-glass empire crashing down. Understood how jealous she was, that someone could.
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