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," because human behavior is so varied that you neverknow when you will run up against a counterexample. But certainly *I'm*not going to wish I had spent more time at the office. I have few regrets,in fact. Most of the reason is that my life turned out far better than Iever expected in my early years. I never expected to be a professor. Inever thought of myself as the kind of man who got a PhD. I never expectedto be a published author, or a landowner. If it should prove that my death is traceable to my twenty or soyears of smoking--which, according to my oncologist, it isn't--I don'tregret that either, & I certainly don't want my heirs to join a lot ofirresponsibles in suing the tobacco companies. That's sheer greed--&evasion of responsibility. Damn that. I smoked with my eyes open, fullyaware of the dangers, & I accept full responsibility for the consequencesto myself. I want no meddler attaching my name to a class-action suit. Most of my regrets are for things I couldn't. The women all said how much they liked my sandals. Even the men checked them out, because MOST men can appreciate a beautiful pair of shoes. I look meaningfully at my husband, hoping he’ll notice the inflection there. He notices, and has his argument ready. “They were checking out your LEGS, not your shoes. I’m telling you, real men don’t care anything about shoes, except how easily they can be kicked off when you’re climbing into bed. Or how fast you can run in them when we’re chasing you.” Hopeless. Absolutely hopeless. But I continue anyway. We danced for about an hour, and I had a few more drinks. After a while, my feet started to hurt and we decided to call it a night. He sits straight up. “What the hell! You spent $600 on a pair of shoes that made your feet hurt??” “Duh. They were Jimmy Choo’s. On sale! Sometimes a few blisters are worth it. Any woman would tell you the same thing.” I think I’ve lost him. He drops his head back on the bed and covers it with a pillow. I’d better.
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