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I thought about giving a macho answer, but I knew she would see past that. Besides I was not feeling macho. I felt like an inexperienced swimmer in unknown waters. Since I had such a low self image because of my weight, most of high school I could not imagine talking to cute girls like her, much less doing anything with them. I was smart and funny if you got me talking, but I spent my time reading books or hanging around my equally nerdy friends. My first kiss hadn't come until senior prom, and that was more out of pity than desire from my date.In college my roommate, Mark, an ex-gymnast who was studying nutrition and Phys Ed, had taken me on as a project. Even though I had lost the flab and was now fairly ripped, I still thought of myself as the fat kid. So the one or two cold winter nights I got as far as making out with girls at college were often ruined by my poor self-image or by being too much of a gentleman. That was the extent of my hands-on experience. I knew plenty of theory. All my family and friends were there. The day my water broke and theambulance ride to the hospital, the day I finally got to bring him home.When I learned he had to stay a few more days. I was devastated. Thedeath of my boyfriend just a few days before our son was born. I wasstill reeling from his death. My son is the only memory of him left.I knew these memories weren't mine. But the baby in my arms was somehowre-assuring me that they were. This baby has some sort of supernaturalpowers. There's no other way to explain it. I want to fight it. But mymotherly instincts are way too powerful. I am completely in my sonspower. I am his mother after all. I have to protect him.Suddenly my baby boy started crying again. This time it soundeddifferent. It was a cry of hunger. I felt a need to feed my child. Ilooked down at my chest. I was disgusted by what I saw. I was flat as aboard. I had a male chest. Sure my body was fit. I did lots of exerciseand sports. But it looked so wrong. How could.
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