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Madam reappeared and fed me a bacon sandwich, saying in her best English that the evening folk would soon be here, god my crutch was sore, red and worn, my guts were bruised and cold, I felt like shite and this stupid woman was talking about more! And more was what I got, almost as soon as it got dark they began again, men, perhaps a dozen, the later ones drunk, stinking of booze, some near incapable, some slow to excite, one a notable virgin, another an oversized black that stretched me to the limit, tears fell, though not one seemed to notice, madam reappeared, washed me out, released my wrists, ungagged me and left me with a sausage she called verst, with a roll and yet another mug of tea. She left me again with a smile and switching the light out once more. Another fit-full night, ankles still secure the dawn breaking on another day. Hours passed, then madam reappeared and finally, I was being unchained it was the owner and this wife who set me free, only no doubt because the. Since my childhood wasmostly a miserable and lonely existence,then, had the subject of mygender confusion been confronted by those adults to whom my well beingwas entrusted,then life may have been a little more interesting. Isuppose as it is with most children who suffer from this "affliction",(as I viewed it at the time) I thought I had the best kept secret in theworld. Only with hindsight as an adult did I realize it was the best keptopen secret in the world! The taboo subject never to be talked about inmy presence, but no doubt a topic of conversation discussed in myabsence. Looking back as an adult minus my childhood naivety I nowcomprehend all the innuendos and subtle mickey taking I received from mypeers and adults alike, not to mention the unexplainable hostility fromcertain quarters.Within that new found hindsight which comes with maturity of adulthood Ihad to dispense with the delusion that my mother had no idea of myinclinations. In my own defence I only knew her in the.
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