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Eventually, of course, I outgrew mother's things, and a couple of yearsafter that, the nest. Moving out meant that one door to the feminineworld would close, but there were other doors I could try. Having my ownapartment meant that I could acquire my own wardrobe and indulge in mysecret passion on my own terms. Or so I thought, as it quickly becameapparent that having anything worth wearing took money, and I just didn'thave, nor could get, a job that paid much more then minimum wage. Thatwas just one of the unforeseen penalties of dropping out of collage toexperience the wonders of foreign lands.My wardrobe ended up consisting of items that had gone out of style andcould be purchased on the cheep, and things scrounged from the trash.Most items required some modification to fit me and that meant I had tolearn how to sew. A well used sewing machine was found and purchased ata yard sale. It took a lot of practice, but I did become good enough tomodify things without it looking like. But Louisa’s assertion that she was a boy in a girl’s body had blown a significant hole in this core belief. If she were correct, the distinction between girls and boys was far from clear - girls could have masculine instincts, and boys could have feminine ones. It eventually dawned on me that this concept better matched the realities of the playground, where many kids did not strictly conform to their gender stereotype. A few diverged as far as to be tomboy girls, and sissy boys and possibly further. This cross-over in gender characteristics indicated that the present clear-cut views about boys and girls were wrong. Although I did not understand how it was possible, I realized that their physical and mental development must in some way be separate processes and a little imprecise. This would likely result in alpha girls and boys being the norm but with some permutations in between.I knew that I was a sissy boy, but these new revelations about gender caused me to question even this.
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