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We regularly ravished each other and started to talk about the future. We both wanted kids but first I had to decide on the Army or a civilian lifestyle. In the end we decided I should use my degree and so I started looking around for a new career. I got lucky and a major bank needed someone to run their internal and external security. The job payed twice what I was making in the Army so I put in my papers and my Army days were over. We started trying for kids right away but it just didn’t happen. Although I knew I was under greater pressure and worked more hours I knew there had to be more. I went to the doctor and had myself examined and a few days later I got the bad news that I was sterile. I didn’t know how I was going to tell Kelly she really wanted kids. I thought I’d look into adoption, get the facts, take her on a cruise and break the bad news to her then. Well that plan went to shit when I surprised her with the cruise. Kelly responded by saying that she had been promoted. I cursed myself inwardly for it, calling myself a damn coward.“Do you love me?” Her voice was a whisper, and it cracked as she asked me her question.Fuck. There was a hidden subtext there, and I knew what her question subtly meant. She was trying to tell me that she had feelings for me, but didn’t want to say she loved me if I wasn’t going to say it back, or worse yet, if I was going to lie to her. I felt like a piece of shit. I had just taken her virginity, a 14 year old girl who thought she was in love with me. I wasn’t that much older than her, still far closer to my 17th birthday than to my 18th, but I was still supposed to be the more mature of the two of us. I felt like I was using her…Did I love her? I had to answer that I didn’t… I sensed however that simply saying no would crush her. I could hedge… She took a deep breath, and I could tell she was about to speak again, and letting that happen would somehow be worse than telling her no. I leaned over and kissed her with as.
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