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I planned everything, including the part where she cheated on me and ended up pregnant and doesn’t know who her son’s father is. No, there truly wasn’t a plan to destroy her. I didn’t do much more than walk out of the maternity ward and call a lawyer. The agony Rose was suffering was the result of her own deeds. I had no sympathy for her. She earned every bit of her pain. I had pain of my own to deal with. It took a few months of counseling to get over the anger but I worked through it. The loneliness remained.It was hard to work past the loneliness because I’d withdrawn into a shell and was caught up in the vicious cycle of pushing people away while missing their friendship. It wasn’t as if people didn’t try. It was me that didn’t try. Those who tried early on were always curious about what happened and I was tired of telling the story. Since the story dominated my life at that point, there wasn’t anything else to talk about and they were forced to back off. That changed the nature. I didn’t mind. I had as much fun doing it as the boys did watching me coming up from the tank soaking wet! Everything was settling down to normal again after the four-day street-fair in the village had folded up, and maybe that sense of calm had given me a false feeling of safety, or maybe it was all the attention I’d gotten over the weekend that encouraged me to be more daring, but it was while I was feeding the horses that I decided this was the day. No one usually came out to the farm to ride that early on a Monday, and my sisters would still be asleep, so today was the day I was going to go through with it! I thought about riding out to the rear pasture bareback, but then had second thoughts. I was comfortable riding Thunder without a saddle, but this would be quite a different experience, and I decided for what I had planned, I’d better see how it went with a saddle first. I slung my heavy western saddle off the fence-rail onto his pad, dropped his girth cinch, and thumped his.
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