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But happiness is not something I could fake, especially with the knowledge that Erika was going to be tortured soon. I wanted to act happy in front of my new school friends. But I couldn't. I guess I'm just too honest. Whenever I looked at a group of people laughing and having a good time, I start to wonder whether there's something wrong with me. Strangely, the people who tell me to lighten up and be positive are often the people who tell me to be myself. What if I'm just sad by nature? By acting happy and positive I'm not really being myself. I guess "be positive" and "be yourself" are just lines people memorize. Often when a friend gives advice, he or she just regurgitates lines from Oprah or Dr Phil. People just say things. They don't usually think about what they say.I'm sick of going to the mall. Whenever my friends ring me, they bring me to the mall. Whenever my mom and dad are home they bring me to the mall. I prefer to stay home and watch a movie, but Mom and Dad tell me. However, I’m going to heat up one of the cans of soup. I have beef stew, chicken noodle, potato soup and Vichyssoise,’ I said with a smile. ‘Vichyssoise is just cold potato soup,’ she said, clearly missing my joke. ‘You’re not an easy crowd, are you? Beef stew it is, then.’ I got out the mini cook stove and simple stainless steel pot I kept in the duffle. I busied myself with pouring the soup into the pot and getting the stove started. Once that was settled, I tried talking to her again with a different tactic. ‘Why a doctor?’ Her head turned up from staring blankly at the flame of the little cook stove. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Why do you want to be a doctor, Sophia? What made you pick that career and not something easier like being a business major?’ I asked, for once actually caring about the answer, rather than just making small talk. ‘I always wanted to help people,’ she responded quietly. ‘Everyone says that. Surely there has to be more to it than that? If you just wanted to.
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