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Before I did it the first time, how shitlessly scared I was. I mean, that's the absolute worst thing that can happen to a guy -- getting assfucked -- right? But, hey, this was my best buddy askin', and I'd do anything for the guy, anything. And yeah, it hurt a little, but after he was in me, the feeling, geez, the feeling... it felt like I'd died and been born again. Like I was filled with this incredible power. Like I'd done this thing that I was so afraid of, and I didn't need to be afraid of nothing ever again. Nothing... "From "Societal Implications of Urban Homosexual Subculture," by Ellsworth K. Simons, Ph.D.:The need for companionship and acceptance are the driving forces in the emotional life of the gay man in a stable relationship. In stark contrast, drugs and promiscuous sex dominate the "club scene."There is a reckless, almost self-destructive disregard for hygiene and personal safety in the carefree sex associated with gay bars, steam baths, discos, and clubs. Otherwise. I felt neither heat nor cold over most of my body except a coolness in my groin and breasts and a warmth seemed to flow from the pressure I felt on the sides of my face. My pelvis felt a fullness that ebbed and surged in location but was always present. The memories of when I had last been awake slowly returned. The tubes and devices attached to me and inserted in me explained many of the feelings. I had been suspended over the cleaning tank and I assumed I was now suspended within it and the water it contained. The agitation of the water would also explain the roaring sound and gentle massaging of the surface of my body. I could feel the clip on my nose. Air flowed in and out of my lungs but I wasn't aware of breathing. I tried to hold my breath but air was still forced into my lungs.Except for the mild pain in my groin I was actually quite comfortable and relaxed. I was almost afraid to open my eyes. If they knew I was awake again they might do something else to me and it would.
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